Lyrics:

I live by God’s rule
So whatever people tell me that the bible tells me
I will do

Walk halls, high school, with my purity ring
Not like those other girls; I got my morals in check
It was easy to do till I got a boyfriend
And pardon my french, but he’s cute as heck
And I made a pact to keep my hymen intact And Jesus and I are tight

Now learn about the birds and bees
I was taught to keep an aspirin in between my knees
‘Cause the Bible says that premarital sex is wrong
But Jason says that guys can’t wait that long
And I don’t want to lose him to someone who’ll do him
I need to figure something out

Well there’s a loophole in the scripture that works really well
So I can get him off without going to Hell
It’s my Hail Mary full of grace
In Jesus’s name we go to 5th base
I thank you for making me holy
I thank you for making me holes to choose from
And since I’m not a godless whore, you’ll have to come in the backdoor

Therefore:

Fuck me in the ass ’cause I love Jesus
The good lord would want it that way
Gimme that sweet sensation of a irrational rationalization
It’s just between you and me
‘Cause everyone knows its the sex
That god can’t see

It’s hard to be as pure as me
To resist the urge to lose my vaginal virginity
But wait until my marriage bed to give my husband my unsullied maiden head
So take your cock out, shove it in my ass, fuck me until you cum

OOPS I mean

Let’s join our souls and unite our bodies and fly with the wings of God
Whatever you do, don’t touch my clitoris
If you ring Satan’s doorbell God can’t ignore this
And no prophylactics when you put it in ’cause birth controls for sluts and it’s a sin

I emptied my bowels and laid out the towels
I’m ready for romance
Now I’m praying to the power that’s the highest
But of all of my holes this one’s the driest
(wincing noises)
And we can’t procreate if we anally copulate
And God’s okay with sodomy but only if you’re straight
And I’m stained through no matter what
So I’m okay with everything but
Everything but
Everything buuuuuut

woaahh

So fuck me in the ass ’cause I love Jesus
The good lord would want it that way
Gimme that sweet sensation of a irrational rationalization
It’s just between you and me
‘Cause everyone knows its the sex that God can’t see

I do whatever the Bible tells me to
Except for the things that I choose to ignore, because they’re unrealistic and inconvenient, but the rest I live by for suuure
So let’s not talk about how the good book bans shellfish, polyester, and divorce, and how it condones slavery and killing gays ’cause those parts don’t matter of course
Let’s cherrypick the part about losing my cherry
And my (something) ambiguity is not mentioned
And circumvent any real sacrifice
But still feel pride in my arbitrary positions
And don’t you dare question my convictions
And don’t look closely at contradictions
Just focus on the sacrificial crucifixion
And have faith in it’s complete jurisdiction

That’s the only way to measure if you’re good or not
And when you’re in a debate, just say to have faith
‘Cause up against logic it’s the only card you got

So close your eyes
Take a deep breath
And fuck me in the ass ’cause I love Jesus
The good lord would want it that way
Gimme that sweet sensation of a irrational rationalization
It’s just between you and me
‘Cause everyone knows its the sex that God can’t see
Yeah my chastity belt has locks, so sometimes you need to think outside the box